Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
