Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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