when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
