I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
