we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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