Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
