if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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