I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize