Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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