Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
