all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
