And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
