I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
