wanna go halves on a baby?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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