hell yes lets make some ravioli
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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