Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
