I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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