I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
