Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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