I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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