sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
