1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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