Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
