I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
