walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
