there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
