...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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