So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
