I just made out with a guy for $7.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
