did you get engaged???
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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