He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
