I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
