do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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