Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
