Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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