my phone cant type all the emotion im having
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
