I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
