i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
