After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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