i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
