I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize