come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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