I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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