it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
