ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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