So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
