I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize