When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
