it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
