Cold hands, warm shart.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize