I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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