Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
