Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
