i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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