opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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