i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
