go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize