hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
