Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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