is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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