I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
