You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize