Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
