YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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