you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
