I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
