i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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