What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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