Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
