be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
