One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
