Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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