I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
