I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
