Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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