You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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