Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
