my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
