dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
