i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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