How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize