I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
