I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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