Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
now i know why i became what i already was.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
