Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
