idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
