So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did i walk over a car last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
