im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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