I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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