dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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