that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
