for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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