What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
