half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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