peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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